Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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