You're my little dorito
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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