How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
