I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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