Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
