Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
