Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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