please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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