you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
