where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize