Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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