It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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