my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
