You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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