all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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