We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
