So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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