I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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