I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
