so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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