my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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