Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I touched a dick in church today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
