it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
