TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
