woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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