Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
