Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
