What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
