I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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