Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
