I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
