yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
