so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
