Plan B is the new Plan A
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Boobs are out for the taking
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
