Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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