im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
