i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
