Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize