you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
