turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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