Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
