Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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