how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
