2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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