dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
