I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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