my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
