Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I love you. Go after that dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
