like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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