I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
