I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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