His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
