and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
