"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
