There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
