you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
