is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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