You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
