Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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