Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I smell stomach acid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
