I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
