Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
