My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
