yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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