I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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