I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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