I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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