Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
