I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
