we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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