I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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