I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
