Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize