I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
