can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
